


i would wait a million years

by holyhands



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Cheating, Infidelity, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 16:17:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18472531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holyhands/pseuds/holyhands
Summary: Jaeyoon and Nayoung aren't soulmates.





	i would wait a million years

**Author's Note:**

> i'd like to apologize for this entire fic

Jaeyoon and Nayoung have never addressed the differences in their soulmate marks. Not really. They’re similar enough to be mistaken as a match from a distance, both floral pieces, but upon closer examination, the difference becomes noticeable. Where Jaeyoon has hydrangeas, Nayoung has carnations. Similar at first glance, but nothing alike in the end. It remains unspoken between them: there’s no way they’re soulmates. 

This was all Jaeyoon’s parents’ idea. When he was still in high school, his mom caught him kissing the pretty boy from his calculus class while they were supposed to be studying, and there was hell to pay for it. They pulled him out of the public high school, instead choosing to transfer him to a Catholic boarding school miles and miles away, insisting that putting a little fear of God in Jaeyoon’s heart couldn’t hurt. 

In all honesty, however, it only made things worse; they’d unknowingly sent him to an all-boys school.

In the two years he attended school there, Jaeyoon had a healthy share of flings. Kissing boys he’d never met, boys he’d just met, boys he’d made acquaintances with, boys he considered his best friends. But, the last semester of his last year of high school, there’s a boy that sticks. He and Inseong aren’t soulmates, but sometimes, Jaeyoon wishes they were. Inseong makes him want to laugh and cry and fall in love for real all at the same time, and his heart’s an absolute wreck knowing they only have so much time together before Inseong goes back to his hometown on the other side of the country. Come graduation, Jaeyoon’s so head over heels for Inseong that he does the unthinkable. He introduces Inseong to his parents as his boyfriend.

“Excuse me, I don’t think I heard you properly. Your  _ what? _ ”

Needless to say, it doesn’t go over well. They don’t kick him out, thankfully, and they can’t take away Jaeyoon’s cell - he pays for it himself - but they tell him so long as he lives under their roof, he won’t see Inseong. Or any other boy, for that matter. 

And less than a week later, Jaeyoon’s parents introduce him to Nayoung. She’s a pretty girl around his age with an angular face and a sweet smile to boot. It’s abundantly clear what his parents are doing here - they’re setting him up - but Jaeyoon knows in order to regain his freedom, he has to play along with it. So he plays the role of the good, obedient son. They go on dates, spend nights at each other’s apartments, and they even end up moving in together. 

When Inseong asks him six months into his and Nayoung’s relationship why he’s kept the charade up for so long after his parents had gotten off his back, Jaeyoon explains that it’s easier this way. 

“If I break up with Nayoung at any point, my parents will be suspicious regardless of the circumstances. They’ll just watch me more closely and analyze everything I do to see if they can catch me with a guy.”

Dating Nayoung involves playing his cards right at all times. She knows he’s unfaithful, doesn’t seem bothered by it either, but she has no idea he’s gay. And Jaeyoon plans to keep it that way. He always plays off meetups with men he’s met off of Tinder as just plans for a boys’ night out. It works, though at the moment, he thinks Nayoung might be on to him. Ever since his last visit out to the country to see Inseong, she’s been acting strange. Suspicious. Watching him almost constantly with wary eyes. Jaeyoon doesn’t quite know what sparked it or why it’s continued, but he knows he has to watch his every move.

Regardless, it’s a charade, and he’s good at it. 

  
  
  
  
  


With their parents’ approval, Jaeyoon and Nayoung move in together after dating for a year and a half. It’s the next logical step in their relationship, so Jaeyoon accepts it. They find a cute apartment just outside the city center that’s perfect for both of them, and once they sign the papers, it’s officially theirs.

Jaeyoon curses the last box in his arms as he walks up a flight of stairs for what seems like the millionth time that day. He’d decided early on into the process he hates moving and never wants to do it again, even if it means living with Nayoung forever. As he’s fumbling with the door handle and struggling to get it open, an arm reaches out from behind him and twists the knob for him.

“You look like you could use a little help.”

As Jaeyoon turns around to face the stranger, he’s almost immediately rendered dumbstruck. The guy standing there might possibly be the prettiest man he’s ever seen. Prettier than Inseong, prettier than Juho or any of the other guys he’s hooked up with or dated before. Jaeyoon opens his mouth, closes it, and opens it again like some kind of stupid fish before his brain registers that he needs to be saying words to this man. “Oh, um, thank you.” Brilliant.

The guy smiles at him and winks, and oh, if Jaeyoon’s knees don’t go weak. “Anything I can do to be a good neighbor. What’s your name?”

“Jaeyoon,” he chokes out, heat rising into his cheeks. For Christ’s sake, what’s gotten into him? What about this boy is tangling his stomach into such a messy knot?

“I’m Youngbin, nice to meet you. I live right next door, so if you need anything, just knock!” And without another word, Youngbin heads over to his own apartment and goes inside.

Jaeyoon drops the box in the front entryway of their apartment, doing his best to wipe the ridiculous expression he’s currently sporting off his face before Nayoung sees him. 

Holy shit.

Meeting eyes with Youngbin had tilted Jaeyoon’s whole world on its side. He’s never met anyone who’s had this kind of effect on him. The kind that makes him want to fall to his knees and sing Youngbin’s praises to absolutely anyone that will listen to him. The kind that makes Jaeyoon wonder if hiding his sexuality to preserve his relationship with his parents is even worth it, if that’s what he’s missing out on.

During dinner, Nayoung asks him if something’s wrong.

“No, dear,” he says with a genuine smile, “nothing at all.”

  
  
  
  
  


They run into each other at the supermarket, of all places. Jaeyoon’s browsing the selection of peppers when he hears his name being called by a eerily familiar voice, and he almost chokes when he looks up and sees Youngbin approaching him.

“Hey, fancy seeing you here,” Youngbin says. “I was hoping we’d run into each other, actually.”

That takes Jaeyoon’s interest. “You were? Why?”

Scratching the back of his neck, Youngbin smiles sheepishly. “Well, I, uh, I noticed when you were moving in that you had a couple NCT albums in the box you were holding. They’re gonna be touring in town next week, and I was able to get tickets. Problem is that I have two and I don’t know anyone else that would want to come with me. Would you, uh, want to tag along?”

Oh my god, this can’t be happening. This isn’t real. “Are you serious? I tried getting tickets when they went on sale, and they sold out in, like, minutes.” Jaeyoon raises an eyebrow at Youngbin for effect.

“I know one of the members,” Youngbin explains, “and he was able to get them for me. It’s cheating a little bit, but all’s fair in love and concert tickets.”

“Youngbin, I’d love to go!” 

“Then it’s settled.”

As they wave goodbye with the promise of ‘next week’ and Youngbin walks away, Jaeyoon tries to keep his panting unnoticed by the other customers. Why has each interaction with Youngbin so far left him feeling like he’s just run a marathon? Jaeyoon’s emotions are a complete disaster, and the prospect of seeing Youngbin again just make his stomach ache.

  
  
  
  
  
  


On his way out the door, Nayoung stops him. “I’ve never seen you get so handsome up for a guys’ night. Where are you headed?” It isn’t accusatory, but it’s definitely intrigued, if not a little confused.

“One of my coworkers surprised me with an NCT ticket.” It’s not exactly the truth, but it also isn’t technically a lie, either. He  _ is _ going to see NCT, but she doesn’t need to know he isn’t going alone.

This is not a date, this is not a date, this is not a date.

That’s Jaeyoon’s motto for the evening, he decides as he stands outside the concert venue, waiting for Youngbin to show. Youngbin had said he’d meet Jaeyoon at the venue, something about having an errand to run beforehand or something like that, but it’s getting awfully close to show time and Youngbin still isn’t there yet

After a few more minutes of anxious waiting (thoughts of ‘oh my god, what if he doesn’t show’ running through Jaeyoon’s mind), Youngbin finally shows, out of breath and sweating a little.

“Oh my god, Jaeyoon, I’m so sorry I’m late. I ran as fast as I could-”

“It’s fine,” Jaeyoon squeaks, “but we should get inside before the show starts.”

  
  
  
  
  


“-and the choreography for Baby Don’t Stop is even cooler in person!” Jaeyoon’s lit up from head to toe, thrumming with excitement. “Wow, I can’t believe that just happened.”

Laughing, Youngbin wraps an arm around Jaeyoon’s shoulder and squeezes him close. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, though I figured you would.”

Under Youngbin’s arm, Jaeyoon feels small and taken care of. He’s not sure why - they’ve known each other for less than two weeks - but something about Youngbin’s presence sets him on edge and soothes him at the same time. It’s an almost indescribable feeling, and more than anything, it’s unsettling, but Jaeyoon’s too busy thinking about the concert he just saw to think about it right now.

“Ugh, I’m having too much fun to go home yet!”

“Then don’t,” Youngbin offers. “You can always hang out at my place for a bit before you go back to yours.”

Going back to Youngbin’s place is… well, it’s a bad idea, considering how frequently Youngbin crosses Jaeyoon’s mind and in the ways he crosses it. But,  _ fuck _ , does he want to. The last thing he thinks he could stand right now is going back home to a girl he doesn’t love, especially when an offer so tempting is sitting right in front of him. So he concedes.

“Yeah, that sounds like fun!”

They take the train back to their apartment complex, squished together in an abnormally full car. Jaeyoon’s forced into Youngbin’s space, their faces less than six inches apart, and tension hangs heavy between them. There’s something unspoken there. Jaeyoon wonders if Youngbin can feel it too. 

It’s a relief when they get off at their stop together. They walk arm-in-arm down the street, chatting idly about their personal lives.

“Who do you live with,” Youngbin asks as they round the corner onto their street. It’s the million dollar question, one Jaeyoon doesn’t know how to answer delicately.

“Well,” he sighs, “it’s… complicated and not at the same time.” When Youngbin doesn’t answer, just looks at him inquisitively, he continues. “On the surface, she’s my girlfriend. We’ve been together for a year and a half, and my parents think we’re soulmates.”

Youngbin doesn’t do a very good job at hiding his gasp, and he tries to pull his arm from where it’s linked with Jaeyoon’s, but Jaeyoon won’t let him.

“Deep down, there’s more to it, though. I know we aren’t soulmates for two different reasons, Youngbin. The first is that our marks don’t match. The second is that I’m gay.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Makes it kind of hard to be soulmates, don’t you think?”

Pausing in front of the front entrance, Youngbin looks a little hesitant to speak again, but he does. “Do your parents…”

Jaeyoon laughs and pushes his way through the door, Youngbin trailing behind him. “Do my parents know? Oh yeah, a hundred percent. They’re the reason Nayoung and I started dating in the first place. They set me up with her, thinking they could coerce me into liking girls if they just found the right one.”

They step into the stairwell together. “That’s… wow, that’s kinda fucked up.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me.” Jaeyoon laughs humorlessly. 

And then, as they’re walking up the stairs together, Youngbin does something Jaeyoon isn’t expecting. He pushes Jaeyoon up against the wall, albeit gently, and touches their foreheads together. The main overhead lights in the stairwell haven’t worked in weeks, so the emergency exit sign is their only light source, cloaking the space in an eerie red glow.

“Youngbin, what-”

“Listen, Jaeyoon,” Youngbin says, urgency oozing into his voice, “I know it’s incredibly rude of me to ask, but I need to know or I’ll explode. What’s your soulmate mark?”

Oh no. 

Jaeyoon’s thought about this. He’s wondered since day one if Youngbin might be his soulmate. It would definitely explain the mysterious energies he feels when they interact, but he’s been too nervous about it to even seriously entertain the possibility. But now? It’s staring him in the face and demanding an answer.

Instead of telling Youngbin, Jaeyoon shows him. He pulls the collar of his shirt away, exposing one side of his chest and the intricate, delicate lines of his mark with it.

It’s reverent, the way Youngbin whispers, “Hydrangeas.” 

“You have them too, don’t you?”

Pulling away his shirt in the same fashion, Youngbin reveals a mirror image of Jaeyoon’s mark on the opposite side of his chest. It’s an exact replica, down to the most minute detail. Jaeyoon feels like he’s been punched in the stomach and had the wind knocked out of him. After so much time wondering if Nayoung would be his forever, his answer is standing right in front of him. 

Once he’s able to catch his breath, Jaeyoon ghosts a feather-light touch over Youngbin’s mark, and warmth spreads throughout his body. Youngbin shivers underneath his touch. 

“You… I…” He’s at an absolute loss for words. 

Youngbin reaches his hands out to cradle Jaeyoon’s face, staring into his eyes in awe. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

There will be so much time to talk later, but right now, Jaeyoon feels like he’ll die if he doesn’t kiss Youngbin right this second. Not even bothering attempting to formulate a sentence, Jaeyoon leans down to press their lips together. He earns himself a soft whimper from Youngbin, but he’s more focused on caressing every inch of Youngbin’s body, wanting to memorize it all.

It feels like no time at all before Youngbin pulls away, grabbing Jaeyoon’s hand and frantically tugging him up the stairs. “Apartment,” he manages to choke out, “there’s more room.”

Praying to every higher being that ever was that Nayoung won’t discover him, Jaeyoon feels his heart hammering out of his chest. This is the most risky thing he’s ever done. If Nayoung were to find out the truth about him, she’d go to his parents, and that would be the last straw - Jaeyoon is sure of it. He’s skirting with danger here. 

Just as his luck would have it, Nayoung chooses the moment he steps out of the stairwell to step out of the apartment to go down for a smoke.

To his credit, Youngbin knows exactly what to do. He pretends Jaeyoon doesn’t exist, hurrying a few steps ahead of Jaeyoon and quickly stepping into his apartment and locking the door behind him. 

“How was the concert, honey?” 

Nayoung’s speaking to him now, and Jaeyoon can barely muster up the energy to sound enthusiastic. “So much fun!”

She presses a kiss to his cheek before heading downstairs. The door to the stairwell’s just barely closed behind her before Jaeyoon’s pounding on Youngbin’s door, which swings open instantly. Youngbin’s expecting him, ushering him inside. “We only have a minute-”

Jaeyoon’s on him in an instant, shoving him back against the wall in his front hallway and kissing him deeply. Youngbin sighs happily into his mouth and wraps his arms around Jaeyoon’s waist. It’s over all too quickly - Jaeyoon knows Nayoung will be back soon - and Youngbin whimpers when he pulls away. It’s so hard to resist diving back in, but they just don’t have time. 

“I’ll come over tomorrow,” Jaeyoon whispers, “Nayoung will be out with her friends and is staying the night with one of them.”

“I’ll wait for you.” Youngbin fixes Jaeyoon’s flyaway hair and disheveled shirt before opening the door and shoving him back outside, but not before sneaking a kiss on his way out. 

Jaeyoon stands there for a minute, unable to move. Oh, Jesus Christ, he’s so fucked. 

  
  
  
  
  


Youngbin must have been listening for Nayoung to leave, because he’s opening his front door moments after she’s gone. “Jaeyoon.”

Stepping inside the apartment, Jaeyoon finds himself at a complete loss for words. Even wearing something so simple, just some sweats and a t-shirt, Youngbin looks so effortlessly beautiful.

After a quick glance around the room, surveying his surroundings, Jaeyoon turns back to Youngbin, and he’s met with glimmering eyes and a wide smile. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

“I’m happy I’m here too,” Jaeyoon whispers, snaking his arms around Youngbin’s neck. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you.”

  
  
  
  
  


Sated and spent, Jaeyoon collapses back into Youngbin’s veritable mountain of pillows with a happy sigh. He’s sore in the most delightful possible way - he doesn’t think it can get any better than it is right now. Youngbin’s scurried off to get him some water, so Jaeyoon is left with his thoughts for the moment. Now that he knows what true connection is, how can he go back to the life he has with Nayoung? He’s found something with Youngbin that defies all of his preconceived notions about what love is and isn’t. 

Jaeyoon isn’t afraid to use that word: love. He just knows that’s what this is. Not just because they’re soulmates, but because something in his heart pulls him towards Youngbin. It’s pure magnetism, something he’s never felt with Nayoung, and it’s impossible not to compare the two of them.

When Youngbin comes back into the bedroom, glass of water in hand, he quirks a brow at Jaeyoon’s intense expression. “Penny for your thoughts?”

That’s all it takes to tip Jaeyoon over the edge. The weight of his responsibilities to Nayoung and to his family comes crashing over him. “Youngbin, I-” He scarcely starts his sentence before bursting into tears, burying his face in his hands.

“Hey, hey, Jaeyoon it’s okay-” Rushing to his side, Youngbin wraps his arms around Jaeyoon and rocks him gently back and forth. “What’s troubling you, honey?”

Once he’s calmed down enough to steady his voice, Jaeyoon opens his eyes and looks up at Youngbin. “Why couldn’t I have met you earlier?,” he asks. “Now that Nayoung and I have been together long enough for my family to start asking if I’m looking at engagement rings yet, I feel  _ obligated _ to do it. I feel like I have to continue with this until the end. If I ever break things off with her, my family will-”

“And what will happen if they find out you’ve been seeing another man?”

“They’ll-” Jaeyoon pauses. “I don’t know.”

Youngbin presses a kiss to the crown of Jaeyoon’s head. He doesn’t reply for a while, and when he speaks again, his words are very carefully measured. “Whatever you decide to do, honey, I’ll be here. I know maneuvering around your family’s wishes can be tricky. Trust me, I’ve been there. But no matter what, you’ll have me.”

“But what if I decide I need to stay with Nayoung? Could you live with that?”

“If that’s what it takes to keep you in my life, then yes.” Cupping Jaeyoon’s cheeks in his palms, Youngbin gently kisses his mouth and brushes the hair from his eyes. “I’ll be here in whatever capacity you need me for as long as you need me.”

  
  
  
  
  


Without intending to, Youngbin breaks his heart over and over again.

For weeks on end, each time Jaeyoon leaves Youngbin’s apartment to get back to his own place before Nayoung gets home, Youngbin’s farewell kisses and sad smiles tear his heart in two. It’s so hard to leave, to pretend everything is fine when it very clearly isn’t. With each passing day, the knot in Jaeyoon’s chest when he leaves Youngbin’s gets larger and more tangled. It hurts so much more.

He’s studying his mark in the mirror post-shower when Nayoung comes into the bathroom, greeting him with a kiss on his cheek. Jaeyoon doesn’t react.

“Jaeyoon, is something wrong?”

Jaeyoon wants to say no, wants to reassure her that everything is fine, but something uncontrollable is building in his chest. “What are we doing, Nayoung?”

Very clearly confused, Nayoung quirks a brow at him. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I was going to shower.”

“No, I mean-” Jaeyoon heaves a heavy sigh. “Our marks don’t match. You know they don’t, and so do I.”

“Oh.” Realization dawns on her face as she comes to understand. “You’ve found your match, haven’t you?”

“I-”

“You don’t have to lie about it, if it’s true. I can see it in your face. Something in you has changed the last month.” She looks down at the floor, suddenly unable to meet his eyes. “That would make the most sense.”

Jaeyoon doesn’t know what else to do, so he wraps his arms around her, resting his cheek on the top of her head. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

His shoulder feels damp, and it breaks his heart when Jaeyoon realizes she’s crying. “I knew this would never last. Even on that first day when we met, I knew you just wanted your parents off your back. I know you care about me, Jaeyoon, but I also knew that you could never love me the way a soulmate could. I’ve been waiting for this day for ages, but now that it’s here…” She trails off, cloaking the room in a heavy silence.

Rubbing her back in slow circles, Jaeyoon whispers, “Sweet Nayoung, there are carnations in your future, I know it. Just because I’m not your match doesn’t mean you won’t find one.”

“I know, but I wish it could have been you, Jaeyoon.”

“I’m sorry it wasn’t.”

  
  
  
  
  


The two of them have to pay a hefty sum to break their lease, but they agree it’s what needs to be done. Nayoung elects to move back in with her parents while she looks for a new place to live, while Jaeyoon, on the other hand…

“Is that the last box?”

Youngbin walks through the front door before dropping a box next to the couch, grinning from ear to ear. “Yep, that’s everything. You are officially moved in.” He wraps his arms around Jaeyoon’s waist, whispering, “Welcome home, honey.”


End file.
